The Language of Pain

It was Tuesday, November 6, 1990, probably around 7:00 in the morning. I was working at Jiffy Lube in Broken Arrow and was about to leave to make the 30 drive to work from our home in mid-town Tulsa. I went into mom’s room to let her know I was leaving. She was sleeping so I was trying not to wake her. I stepped carefully around to the head of her bed and noticed she was breathing strangely. Rather than taking deep breaths the way we do when we’re sleeping, she was taking short, erratic breaths almost as if she was fighting for each one. I would later learn this type of breathing usually preceded death. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that at the time, so I kissed her on the forehead, jumped in my car and headed off to work just before the hospice nurse was due to arrive.  As soon as I arrived at work, just before 8:00, the phone rang at our shop. I was busy putting on my uniform and getting ready for the day and didn’t think anything of it. Right then my boss walked around the corner to tell me the call was for me which I thought was strange. Who would be calling me at work? I picked up the phone and it was the hospice nurse. She was calling to tell me that mom had passed. I was stunned. Again, I guess I still thought she would recover. She had beat the cancer before and I was sure she could do it again. However, it was not to be. Now I had to drive 30 minutes back home. On my drive home I began to cry. This came as a surprise to me because I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. I literally looked in my rear view mirror to see the tears running down my face. For 30 minutes, alone in my car I thought about death, I thought about mom not being there when I came home anymore, and I had no idea what was next. I had never been on my own, had always lived with mom, and was quickly realizing how much I relied on her. It was a long drive home with reality crashing down on me with each mile.

This was the first time I remember experiencing real pain.  I had never dealt with loss before and, honestly, I wasn’t mature enough either spiritually or emotionally to navigate the situation.  If my 52-year-old self could have sat down with my 20-year-old self I would have told him not to try to bury the pain, not to try to put up walls to escape the pain, and not to become hardened to the pain.  I would have told him that God will walk through this difficult time with him, He would provide for his every need, and it’s OK to hurt, grieve, cry out, ask questions and even be angry with God about it.  God can handle it.  He welcomes it. 

C.S. Lewis wrote in his book The Problem of Pain, “God whispers to us in our pleasure … but shouts in our pain.”  Over the years I’ve learned that God speaks to us in lots of different ways with pain being one of them.  As a matter of fact, it is usually the language He speaks the loudest.  It can be hard to recognize because of the loudness of the pain itself and the situation you’re in, but He is there, He is working on our behalf, and is speaking to us in the midst.  Nothing gets our full attention like pain.  This is going to be hard to hear, because it’s hard for me to write, but pain can be a gift.  I’m not making light of the pain you’ve experienced.  It’s very real and I’ve experienced my share.  Pain can be a magnifying glass that reveals areas of our lives that require change.  It can reveal where we need to heal, where we need to grow, and where we need to trust.  It refocuses priorities like nothing else can.  The painful situations we find ourselves in can be critical launching points for needed change in our lives if we hear and heed what God is speaking to us through the pain.  There’s a phrase that’s repeated several times in the Scripture that applies to the topic of hearing God speak.  Fifty-six times in the Scripture God says, “Whoever has ears, let them hear.” Matthew 11:15. It is critical that we tune our ears to hear when God is speaking through pain.  Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years that may be of help to you.

You don’t want to go through painful situations without a relationship with Jesus.  If you haven’t fully surrendered your life to Him, I encourage you to stop reading this article, and in your own words tell Jesus you recognize your need for Him, you surrender all to Him and you accept Him as your Lord and Savior.  Call a friend or family member and tell them what you’ve done and start the wonderful journey of having a relationship with Jesus.  He will never fail you.  He promises to always be with you whether you feel His presence or not.  He has your best interest in mind and will bring good out of your pain.

When going through a painful situation reading Scripture is critical.  God’s word is full of real stories of people who went through difficult times and experienced God’s faithfulness.  We need to read and be reminded of these stories.  There will be moments when you don’t feel like reading.  You may even feel like walking away or giving up.  DON”T!  I had a pastor who used to say that we need to do what’s right regardless of if it feels right, and eventually the feelings will return.  He wasn’t wrong.  I’ve been so frustrated with God at different times about different things, but you know what, I knew I had to get up the next day and meet with Him.  I honestly didn’t want to.  But I knew there were things going on that I couldn’t see and what I needed most was to sit with Him, quiet my mind, and listen.  Listen to His Word, His voice, and to obey what He said.  Another thing that makes a huge difference for me is prayer.  Mark Batterson wrote a book years ago that changed my life and even more so changed my prayer life.  It’s called The Circle Maker.  I have recommended it to so many people going through painful situations.  It taught me to be real with God in prayer.  I’ve had some intense conversations with God.  He’s been the recipient of my questions, my anger, my frustration as well as my repentance, tears, and worship.  He’s an amazing Father who is genuinely concerned when we’re hurting.  Though He knows the outcome and the good He’s going to bring out of our pain, He welcomes hard conversations.  The last thing I’ll mention is worship.  Mark Battterson gives some thoughts on this that I think are worth repeating.  First, the hardest praise is the highest praise.  If you worship Him when you feel like worshiping, you’ll worship less and less.  If you learn to praise Him in the toughest times, the best is yet to come.  Second, whatever you don’t turn into praise turns into pain.  The best way to deal with pain is to verbalize it to the Lord.  How?  Sing over it.  Sing through it.  It’s hard to hear God’s voice when pain is screaming in your ear.  The way you silence those voices is by singing over them.  Finally, sing like you believe it.  Do we really believe what we’re singing.  Let our faces, our hands, and even our feet reflect it.  If you believe what you’re singing, don’t just sing it.  Declare it!

If there’s anyone in Scripture who knew what it meant to endure pain it was Job.  I encourage to you read the story but to summarize Job was a very successful and influential man, who due to circumstances out of his control lost everything.  His family, wealth, and nearly even his faith was all lost.  If Job endured “long and weary nights” and “months of frustration,” there’s a good chance we will too.  But like him, we can come out on the other side more blessed than before.  Listen to this Scripture and let it bring you hope today.  “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.”  Can I be so bold as to believe that for you and me?  I can’t promise you our lives will be pain-free.  I wouldn’t promise if I could.  But I can promise that He who began a good work is going to carry it to completion.  I can also promise that in His presence is fullness of joy.  God wants to speak to you through your pain.  Tune your ear to His voice.  The gentle, loving voice of a Father who is speaking words of hope and comfort to you right this very moment.